My Midnight Fear
It is a Saturday night. It has been a very quiet and cool day. At about six o’clock it began to rain. I went up to our bedroom and changed into my nightgown. Then I went to the next room to our bedroom to watch television. The rain is falling gently but steadily. It does not feel like a summer night but more like an autumn one. I sat on the recliner to relax. I first watched the cookery channel, then I switched to PBS. Every Saturday they show a segment of Doc Martin at eight o’clock. I find that show so funny! I cannot help chuckling. After that they always show an old film. Tonight they showed, “Wait Until Dark,” with Audrey Hepburn.
Wait Until Dark? Why, that film was the greatest thriller of the mid sixties! I remember seeing that film in Tehran! I cremember that whole day! It was a Wednesday. Once a week, Goldis Cinema would show a foreign film in its original language. It had become customary for a group of our friends and us to meet at Goldis Cinema see a film, if it was something we really wanted to see and if we had no other plans for the evening.
On that particular evening, after having had a quite busy social day of a ladies luncheon and an afternoon tea, it was planned for a group of us to see the film, “Wait Until Dark.”
It so happened that I was wearing a rather smart woolen suit that the dressmaker had just tailored for me. It was the first time l wore it and had received many compliments on it. I was perhaps twenty six years old, and rather pleased with myself that day. I felt quite chic and attractive. That evening, we were three young married couples going to the cinema. Many people attended these Wednesday night events. It was pleasant to see the films in their original language instead of the ones dubbed into Persian. It was nice to meet with friends. It was a form of casual get together.
That night, the film led from one suspense to another. One of the first ones was a scene where Audrey Hepburn, who acts as the blind attractive young wife, Suzy, goes into her walk-in closet to get a scarf. She does not realize that there is a body of a murdered woman in there, which she just brushed against. I shuddered and
held my breath. The closet is so similar to my closet! The film goes from one exciting moment to another. I could barely contain my fear. At last the film was over. It was
past midnight. The city streets were silent. Most people were already in their beds. The next day was a work day. It was raining softly. We bid our friends good night and each couple headed to their home. We lived on top of a hill in a solitary three family house. There were no other homes near us. We drove home on that quiet, sleepy night and silently walked into our flat. We checked on the chilrdren. They were both sleeping peacefully, like little angels. Naneh’s gentle snoring could be heard from her room. My ex husband was tired. He quickly got ready for bed and soon he too was soundly asleep. I took off my clothes. I carefully hung them on a hanger. I walked to my closet to hang them. I stopped. I stood frozen in front of the closet imagining the dead woman hanging in the closet from the movie scene! I couldn’t enter the closet! I was paralyzed with fear. Thinking I will get over that silliness, I went into the bathroom to
prépare for bed. I told myself I would feel braver when I was done with that. Upon returning to the bedroom, I went back to the closet, stretched my arm into the closet and clicked on the lights there. This time I imagined the closet door shutting tightly behind me and the dead woman choking me until I could no longer breathe. I began panting with fear! But what about my new suit? I did not want to wrinkle and ruin it the very first time I wore it! I sat
in bed, hugging my knees tightly and staring into that closet. I agonized over this matter for quite a long time.
It was now well past two in the morning. What a coward I was! I was a married woman and a mother of two! What kind of behavior was that? I considered waking up my husband and explaining my predicament; but that would only prove that I was just a silly ninny! He would just give me a condescending smile and think, “Women!” That would definitely not do! Finally I got up and with great determination I walked into the closet, hung up my suit, switched off the light and firmly closed the closet door. I quickly got back into bed. I covered myself tightly to prevent the image of the dead woman hanging in the closet from haunting me. The rain was steadily tapping on the window panes and in the balcony outside the bedroom. Tap! Tap! Tap! Was that the sound of the dead woman wanting to come in from the rain?
I shuddered as I tried to go to sleep.
I am now back to the present. The film is done. I feel the tenseness ebb out of my body. Suddenly I become aware of the intensity of the rain. Rap! Rap! Rap! Like bullets beating against the window panes and the roof! I picture the dead woman standing outside in that torrent of rain, pounding in desperation. “Let me in! Let me in!” she begs. I quickly turn off the television and scuttle to bed.
The wind is in a howling frenzy. The rain pelts against the window persistently. I wrap myself protectively. I try to sleep.
Somewhere down the hallway a door bangs steadily through the night. Finally I fall asleep…