My Heart’s Echoes
Sometimes, in the solitude of my quiet house, I sit down and reflect on my life. I was born in the lap of luxury. I have had ups and I have had the lowest of the lows. I married a man I did not love because I was the eldest of three sisters. I was led to believe that if I did not marry, they would not be able to either. I married, though not even to a man close to my dreams. I am a thinker, he wanted a woman with no thoughts in her head. I am north, he was south. We were extreme opposites. I am capable of forming my own decisions. He wanted a woman who did not think and said, “Yes sir!” I was not that woman. He had a temper and was abusive, both mentally and physically. I quickly learned how to humour him and tried hard not to arouse his anger.
We had two children. They are the very best part of that marriage. They are the joy of my life. They are the gift that God gave me, my two precious children, and later on, my beloved grandson, my Teal. If I didn’t have them, my life would be devoid of any love and joy.
The marriage was a disaster from the start. Neither of us was happy with the other. After twenty one long and tortuous years, we finally divorced. This time God or fate sent me the love of my life, the joy of my existence, the reason of my being in this world. Peter used to say that we were born together, except on different continents and countries. It took a while for us to finally meet, when we were both forty two years old. He was three months older than me. When we finally did meet, our hearts became one, our flesh fused as one, our beings merged and became whole. We did everything together. We almost breathed as one. Our love was like a pure well of spring water that ran deep and true. We had an intense sense of love for each other. He used to say that we lived as one and we would die together. I believed him. We had thirty years of deep contentment, love and sheer unadulterated joy. Then suddenly and abruptly he was snatched away. It took my breath away. I entered a deep dark tunnel of pain and despair. How could this be? Why was I still here? There must be some mistake! We had finally found each other in this vast universe, and now we were torn apart so quickly? Some people are still happily married after seventy years. Why did we only get thirty? Were we not deserving?
As I sit in my silent house, pondering life, my heart painfully yearns for my soul mate. It feels like it wants to burst out of my chest and explode from the pain. I ask the thoughts that reverberate deep within me, “Why, why, why?” But the only reply I hear is the ticking of the old clock and the soft breathing of my dogs lying at my feet. They seem to say, “Don’t worry, we are here with you.” “And where is my Peter? Where is my love?” I receive no answer, only silence.