Differences
Yesterday I went to the memorial service of my dear friend Shama’s sister. Her sister lived in another state. She had died suddenly and rather unexpectedly. My friend is a Moslem. I am a Jewess. Our friendship is a tried and true one of many years. It is taken for granted by the people who know us. Her friends and family feel like they are part of mine and vice versa. She is Pakistani. I am of Iraqi origin bit. As I already said, she is a Moslem, I am a Jew.
Yesterday’s memorial service was held at a friend’s house. There were about twenty women attending. First, they gathered together in prayer for her sister’s soul. I sat in respectful silence as they prayed, murmuring an amen whe I heard an ‘amin’ being uttered. My thoughts were on how life is so transient. It was just a few short weeks ago that I had invited Shama and her sister for lunch. The three of us had sat together on my porch having lunch and pleasantly chatting and now she is gone. How could a person be there one minute and gone the next. It always boggles my mind.
At the memorial service, I did not know most of the ladies there. When we were introduced, they smiled and said, “Aah! You’re Stella!” I smiled in return and nodded my head. To some of them, our friendship was an oddity. They come from a somewhat closed and somewhat religious society. They live in their own little world and mainly form their friendships from within their community. To them Shama and mine friendship is quite out of the normal. It was an oddity.
They were so sweet and polite; however, they could not fathom our friendship. When I came home that night, I thought of another lady I had known in Tehran, a lifetime ago. She was my mother’s friend.
They were quite young. He was Jewish and she was Moslem. She was young, pretty, charming, and peppy. She always smiled and was cheerful. He was charmed and fascinated by her. Soon he was head over heels in love with her. He decided he wanted to marry her despite all the objection his parents threw at him. They were too young; his parent suggested. They were of different backgrounds, of different religions, so many differences, they told him.
In spite of all his parents’ objections, he was sure that she was the person he wanted to share his life with. He persisted in his arguments until, out of sheer exhaustion, his parents finally relented and gave the young couple their blessing. They held a magnificent wedding for them and bought them a cozy house with a nice little garden.
Thus the young couple happily began their married life. When you are young, you really have no idea what anything is all about, especially if everything is offered to you on a silver platter and you did not work hard to attain your objectives. You believe life resembles fairytales, ‘and you will live happily ever after…’
Soon she was with child. At about the same time that she conceived, he had to go on a business trip to Europe on behalf of his father. He was supposed to be gone for a short period of time. However, the days became weeks and the weeks stretched into months. He made one excuse after another on why he had not returned. Eventually it was discovered that he had met another woman on his travels. Once more he fell in love. Again he was convinced that this one was the love of his life. His family was disgusted and outraged with him. His poor young wife was with child and he was nowhere in sight! His poor wife, the poor girl felt lost and abandoned. She was due soon. She felt desolate, she was in despair. That did not stop him from insisting on a divorce and a divorce, in this land where women had few rights, was easy for a man to demand and receive. His family ceased relationship with him. They stood by his in wife and utterly supported her. In the Jewish religion, if the brother is single, he can marry his brother’s widow and assume his responsibilities. As it happened, his brother was single. He married her and raised his brother’s child as his own. Fortunately, they eventually learned to love and respect each other.
I truly think that because of his kind heart and noble deed, fate smiled down at him. They were blessed with more children. He became more prosperous than he had ever imagined he would be. After that period of unhappiness and uncertainty, his wife’s happiness and cheerfulness permeated throughout every aspect of their lives.
My mother and this lady moved in the same circle of friends. Their group used to hold and luncheons. Once or twice I was included in their luncheons. When she mentioned her husband and her children, it was with great love. Neither she nor her husband converted to the other’s religions yet respected each other’s beliefs.
Years passed. When the Iranian Revolution began, everyone left the country in haste. We all imagined that everything would boil over and we would go back home. That did not happen. We scattered throughout the world. It seemed as if we were pawns in the game of marbles that we used to play as children. With a little flick of a finger, our close community was sadly disbursed throughout the globe. My family came to the United States, her family ended in England. A few years ago I heard that her husband had passed away. Soon after, she died. I remember that, as I sat listening to these ladies prayed for the soul of Shama’s sister.
After the services, as I sat quietly in the back seat of the car, I pondered as to why humans have to make an issue over religion and color. Aren’t we all people first and foremost? Don’t we all feel the same kind of emotions? I don’t differentiate because of color, race or religion. I differentiate between good people and bad ones. I don’t like nasty and cruel people. A lady at the memorial service commented that she wished she had a friendship such as Shama and I have. It’s easy, just open your hearts to each other.