Acceptance
Each night, as I curl up on our large king-sized bed, I look at Peter’s photo and whisper, “Good night my love. I miss you so very much.” As I gaze at his image, my eyelids droop, and I slowly fall asleep, wondering why he was taken away from me.
Yesterday was a beautiful day. My new walker and I decided to go for a bit of exercise. I walked and walked and walked. I felt elated. I felt unbound. I felt free, breathing deeply the fragrance of honeysuckles and wild roses that filled the neighborhood in spring. As I strolled, memories of our morning walks around the lake flooded back, Peter and me. Summer nights would see us walking to Cunningham Park, filled with families - children riding tricycles, parents chatting, old Italian men playing bocce, their wives by their side, the vivid atmosphere reminiscent of a bygone era. After our evening walks, we stopped for ice cream cones - Peter loved Rocky Road, I preferred coffee, and Max, our dog, savored vanilla in a cup.
In the summers, the New York Philharmonic would entertain the neighborhood with their productions, bringing magic and joy to all. The sky darkened, fireflies danced around like fairies, and the music enveloped the night.
As I walked the familiar road, I felt a shift within me. The sharp pain of losing Peter had dulled, transformed into a tolerable ache that would linger. Returning home, instead of chores, I relaxed in the garden with the pups, birds singing, breeze whispering. A couple smiled and waved at me over the fence, igniting a sense of contentment and acceptance within me.
It was then that I realized I had given myself permission to move forward without Peter, to embrace life once more. The burden of grief had become lighter, and I knew that though I missed him dearly, it was okay to find happiness on my own. Standing by his grave two years ago, I had bid him to depart, assuring him I would be fine. Taking that walk had instilled strength in me, allowing me to shed the weight of sorrow and live on in his memory. One day, when my time comes, I know he will be there, waiting with a smile, ready to embark on a new journey together.